sometimes in life, i am on fire for God. i could relate with Jeremiah when he was exhausted with all the insults and reproach he had to pass through for the sake of God's Word but yet he was vein deep with the things of God.
"but if i say i will not mention Him or speak any more in His name, His Word is in my heart like a fire shut up in my veins. I am weary of holding it in. Indeed, i cannot" (Jeremiah 20:9)
i can totally relate with Uncle Jer here. when this happens, it feels like some supernatural forces attend to me because the zeal is present effortlessly.
However other times, the zeal requires extra effort. that's when i find it very difficult to engage in spiritual exercises most especially praying. i literally lose my ability to pray. its feels like a physical gift: For instance, when you gives you a car and you just drive to your destinations, then the car is taken away from you so you have to trek to your destinations.
sometimes i dont even notice the trek until things do not turn out the way i expected then when its time to pray that i realise that i have started trekking. After several days of faux prayers then i would start my emotional blackmail :
'My God, am i the worst sinner in the world? What have i done that you cannot forgive me.....'
a few tears here and there and then things would start opening up gradually but not as they did in the past.
i thought i was God's Beloved and He couldnt stand my tears but this was a wrong assumption which led me astray for years.
God is loving but not sentimental. He responds only to obedience.
He responds to sinners only when they obediently go to Him.
Isaiah 1:18
"come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord, though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be wool"
He responds to the needy (any kind of need, be it physical, material, spiritual mental etc) when they obediently ask in faith.
Ask: Matthew 7:7
"Ask and it shall be given; seek and you shall find; knock and it shall be opened"
Faith: Philipians 4:19
"But my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus"
My assumption that i only needed to emotionally blackmail God and i would get what i need was indeed an act of faith and God patiently 9probably humorously) responded to that till i receive insight.
Now when i fall short and start 'trekking', i simply ask God for forgiveness.
" My Father, You are a good Father. i know i am a sinner. I am sorry for ...... Give me grace to sustain my salvation in Christ Jesus....'
then in obedience to Matthew 11:28
"come unto me all you that are heavy laden and i will give you rest"
How does one 'go' to Jesus? It is simple: acknowledge Him as the only one that can save you from the power of sin and lead you to the Almighty God. You cannot access God all by yourself. God is omnipotent but He is only accessible through Jesus. There is no other way. Believe in Jesus and you have access to rest.
Some may say "i believe in Jesus but i am still troubled"
Initially, John the Baptist and Apostle Paul both believed that Jesus was (still is) the son of God but the difference between John and Paul was that when John got locked up, he couldn't sustain his faith in Jesus. He needed extra assurance so he sent his disciples to go and ask Jesus if he was the Messiah (Matthew 11:2). This was the same John that God gave a sign to identify the Christ ( John 1:29-34)
On the other hand, despite the several trials, Apostle Paul was unwavering in his belief that Jesus is the Christ
When Faith fails, you start trekking spiritually. Trekking is no fun at all. Guard your faith!
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